Sunday, November 25, 2007

So you want to be an Opera Singer? - Monday Mission



How to get a part in the chorus of an opera.
(non-traditional method. May not work for everyone)

1 - notice that a local theatre company is having their general auditions
2 - take note of all the shows they are doing, and spend days trying to track down the music and scripts to the obscure musicals
3 - completely disregard the operas they are doing
4 - read the scripts and listen to the music
5 - choose a song with which to audition(going nontraditional and humorous like several of the musicals they will be producing. Find a song in your vocal range that shows off your acting abilities. for example, the Kate Monster portion of It Sucks to Be Me from Avenue Q)
6 - practice the 16 bars you will be singing. a lot
7 - scandalize entertain the rest of your praise team when you practice the song with the pianist one night at praise team practice. In your church sanctuary. (we do not recommend that you actually yell out the word "F*ck" at this juncture, just note its place in the song with a stomp of your foot.)
8 - practice an extra song to sing in case you are asked for a second piece, preferably something contrasting to the first piece. (such as Heaven Help My Heart, from Chess)
9 - attend the audition. Dress nicely
10 - on your audition sheet put down several of the characters you are interested in from the musicals, being sure to make it obvious that you are familiar with the less known pieces. Again, ignore the operas
11 - be nice to the pianist. He can make or break your audition
12 - get on stage. Introduce yourself confidently
13 - sing with gusto
14 - when the artistic director asks you if you have another song, reply "of course" and sing your second selection
15 - say thank you, exit the stage
16 - if, as you are leaving, the director asks you how your Italian is, be honest ("nonexistent")
17 - drive home and wait for a phone call
18 - when the call comes and you are offered a role in the chorus of 2 operas, stammer a bit, then agree to do the one which fits into your schedule


These Oh-So-Useful directions are provided for your benefit via Monday Missions. If you have some instructions that simply MUST be shared with the rest of the blogosphere, then please, put a link to your post in the widget below. And be sure to check out all the links to learn a few new things.





What are Monday Missions, you ask? Well. Monday Missions are a weekly (every Monday! Imagine that! Although I usually get mine up on Sunday to get the ball rolling...) carnival designed to encourage us to post in a certain style. I have found them to be very fun, and I usually use them humorously, but they don't have to be funny. They are basically a jumping off point for your imagination; encouragement for you to think outside of the the box; a chance to try writing in a different style. You are welcome to play along for any and all, or none at all, as your fancy strikes you.

The upcoming Missions for December are:

12/3 - High School note (the kind you would pass in class)

12/10 - Photoshop Extravaganza (you've read posts where others use photoshop to add humor or make a point. Now is your chance to try your hand at this.)

12/17 - Holiday List

12/24 - Family Holiday Letter (year in review...)

12/31 - New Year's Resolutions

***added bonus. For those of you with small children who follow that "It sucks to be me" link you will recognize the voice of at least one Sesame Street muppeteer (who I went to college with), and see John Tartaglia, known to your Playhouse Disney watching toddlers as Johnny (and the sprites!)

29 comments:

Kathryn said...

I suppose it doesn't hurt if you have a fabulous voice, great stage presence, and much acting skill as well. ?? ;)
John Tartaglia is such a cutie, and one of the only adults on kid tv who does not annoy the poo out of me. Love him. Is he as nice as he seems?

Luisa Perkins said...

SO funny. I loved it.

Suz said...

Really funny (and informative)!

Rimarama said...

You're my hero! That takes guts!

Aliki2006 said...

Oooh! Excellent mission--and very informative, too, as suz said!

I'm always so uninspired for Monday Mission, but maybe I'll ponder this one.

crazymumma said...

so thats how its done...

WorksForMom said...

You're my hero too - that was so hilarious!

Queeny said...

Congratulations from a native Louisianan.

Kyla said...

Good for you!

susiej said...

I'm in awe of you. You do these so well!

My Buddy Mimi said...

My husband and I went to college with the same Sesame Street muppeteer. Small world...

Jozet at Halushki said...

Oh, fun!

Your directions were prefect!

Now, if only I could carry a tune other than a squeaky Joni Mitchell in the bathroom.

I'm going to try one of these Monday Missions after NaBloPoMo is over. Great idea!

creative-type dad said...

I've always wondered about that...

Mrs. G. said...

Congratulations...that's pretty cool.

Family Adventure said...

Brilliant...I loved your song choices.

Heidi

Emily R said...

How funny that you got the part anyway. You must be that good!

Jenn said...

Um, you failed to mention the part about needing a voice that doesn't scare small children and animals.

Amy Y said...

I loved this too! If I ever decide to be an opera singer, I know who to come to for advice :)

niobe said...

Thanks so much for the entertaining and educational step-by-step instructions.

Why is it that every Monday I tell myself I'll participate in your Monday mission and every Monday I can't think of a single thing to say?

Julie Pippert said...

LOL

I'm with Jenn, though, wrt to the part about having a voice that doesn't cause small children to cry, "Stop!" and dogs to yowl. LOL

Julie
Using My Words

the dragonfly said...

You're so funny! It seems so improbable...but I'm glad you got to have the experience. :)

I just posted my Monday Mission...

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Too bad you didn't get to be Kate Monster - she ROCKS! Interesting, the minds of those directors.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

I love that you are doing an opera! That's awesome!

Sober Briquette said...

I've just caught up with your last two weeks' worth of posts. I'm so glad I did, although (poo) now I don't have the time/timing to leave comments befitting such meaningful, thought-provoking items.

Glad to see you are continuing the MMs. As if I'll ever get one done...

Beck said...

And now I know how to get a role in an opera.
Now, to learn how to sing....

thirtysomething said...

I enjoy your Monday Missions. I always say that I am going to write something the next week, but yours are always so creative. Great one this time!
And Johnny and the Sprites--yep, we know him.

nomotherearth said...

I'm going to have to try your approach.

Christine said...

you so rock these monday missions, pm!

Magpie said...

I'll get right on it!!