Thursday, November 15, 2007

Into the light

As I'm sure you have gleaned from my posts over the last several weeks, I love being in the theatre. It brings out the total geek in me as I do all sorts of research, and I get a lot of my energy from the dark of the wings and the light of the stage and the discovery of a character and the joking of friends and the watching of creative people at work.

But these past few days, I have really enjoyed being at home. I have enjoyed dinner with my family, curling up with a blanket and a book on the back porch, sitting in a lawn chair as my daughter and our neighbor rode bikes, the slanting late afternoon sun shining on their laughing faces. I've enjoyed crawling into bed at night (and, erm... late morning) next to my husband and not being beat tired. I've enjoyed seeing no new items in my Google Reader (for one brief, glorious moment two days ago). I've enjoyed going through the pictures my brother sent me from our time in England. I've caught up with friends on the phone. I've found that I do indeed have a kitchen counter and a dining room table. I have gloried in days with no where to be and no music to learn. I've started working out again. I am revelling in all this extra time, enjoying what I don't appreciate when I have it in abundance.

But I know I'll be glad to be back in the dark of the theatre come Saturday. And that is the balance that I have to find in my life. My focus is now on my family: since The May Queen was born I put her and my husband first. For YEARS I would put everything else on hold to do a show. I wouldn't plan a vacation for fear that I would miss an opportunity. I auditioned for everything. I turned nothing down. I'm happy to not be doing that anymore. But I need to find the balance. I can't go a full year between shows, because that part of me needs to be fed, too. Just as the sunlight through the trees lights up my daughter's hair and warms my heart, so the light from a fresnel awakes a part in me that laughs and cries and sings.

I need them both.

28 comments:

WorksForMom said...

Balance and priorities - what we all strive for and juggle with.

This. was. so. very. beautiful.

Amy Y said...

Here's to finding a happy medium...

Aliki2006 said...

Finding a balance is the most amazing thing--I'm so glad it's working so well for you!

Kathryn said...

It will be so amazing when The May Queen is a little bit older and she can go to your shows. She will actually be able to see how your hard work pays off. It will be such a thrill for her.
In the meantime, finding the balance will make you a better wife and mom because you will be fulfilled and happy in both aspects of your life.

Julie Pippert said...

So true! Balancing what we want with what our loved ones need of us, and down time too, can be challenging, but it is so important, as you say, to feed these parts of ourselves.

Julie
Using My Words

Chaotic Joy said...

I know I have mentioned before how much you shined in your posts about your play. I was envious of that in a way, that you had an outlet from your home that was a passion in it's own right. I hope you find the balance you seek because what a blessing it is to have to things you love so much.

Christine said...

absolutely you need them both--they are huge, important parts of your life. it sound to me like you have already found that balance.

jen said...

the eternal, endless search.

sounds like you are juggling quite well.

the dragonfly said...

You have such a lovely voice, my friend. I love the image of the sunlight on the May Queen, I can almost picture it in my mind.

Balance. I have to find that right now. Everything is the Little Mister. Everything. And I'm not complaining...but I have to find something for *me*. Even if it's just an hour a week. :) (of course, I'll probably cry when I have to leave him for an hour a week, or whatever..)

Catherine said...

I wish I could see you in a show! I've always wanted to try my hand at acting..but I never, ever have...

Emily R said...

You can take the girl out of the theater, but you can't take the theater out of the girl.

Emily said...

Balance. That's what I need, right now. I think the topsy turvy-ness of my life is what is hampering me.

This was lovely, PM.

Magpie said...

Yes, balance. It's why I go to work - it's my own time.

thailandchani said...

Balance... definitely...

another good thing said...

You are wise to know this about yourself, and good enough to the people around you to strive for the WHOLE you. Kudos.You are a great example to mothers.

Bon said...

balance, elusive balance. i think knowing clearly which two poles you will string your tightrope across is half the battle.

i miss the delight i used to take in (very bad community-type) theatre, though i was a terrible actress. loved it, i did, just the being onstage, being a vessel for words i didn't have to create myself.

painted maypole said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beck said...

I can always tell when I'm not spending enough time on the other things I love because I become a big cranky jerk. By indulging my other passions, everyone wins.

Tracey said...

Lovely. Balance is important, and it sounds like you're finding some...

Jennifer said...

It's so good, I think, to need more than one thing. Good for you!

slouching mom said...

and you should have both!

Furrow said...

Lovely. I enjoyed the imagery in this post. I'm awfully joyful (or joyous? baby is stirring and mewling, can't think right now) for you.

Victoria said...

It's so good when life is full of things you love - both family and individual. May you have lots of both in just the right amounts!

susiej said...

Yes -- this is what keeps you alive. You must find what you need and bless yourself with it. What an example you set for everyone else -- especially your daughter.

Don Mills Diva said...

We all strive to find a blance between what we need and the people and things that need our attention. You have expressed that beautifully.

b*babbler said...

Finding that balance is a difficult thing.

I may take some pointers from you!

blooming desertpea said...

The balance of two things is a great thing but having one at the time is a special experience - you start missing and appreciating the other thing a bit more ... :)

Mad Hatter said...

Oooo, you and my hubs should get together and chat. He still gives a bit too much of his all to theatre but he is busting his ass to find balance.