And no, I don't mean a PhotoShop Document (although I have a few of those, too).
I mean Post Show Depression.
I'm quite familiar with it, although I haven't had this bad of a case in a long time. I've mostly warded it off this past year by being in rehearsals for a new show by the time the previous show ended. 5 times. But this sixth time...
Not only am I not currently in rehearsals, but I don't have an answer for the dreaded "What are you working on?" question. Heck, I don't even have an answer for "What's up next?"
Summer vacation? Time with my family? Summer camps galore?
All valid answers, but the not the answer that helps cure these blues.
I'm too busy this summer to be in anything that opens before September, and so I've watched audition after audition go by. Things I'd love to do.
Sure, I joke about rehab. And maybe in a way I do need it. Time to do the things I've neglected since last September, when I first began rehearsals in this daisy chain of shows. Time to refocus my energies, my life. I said to my husband the other night that maybe we could actually go on a date. "What's that?" he asked. (Fortunately The May Queen was quick with an answer. "That's when you go out and do something fun!" What a concept.)
But still... I miss being in the theatre. I miss the focus and the new ideas about my character. I miss the camaraderie of the cast. I miss this last show in particular. It was a great one to end on, but also a hard one to end on. Catherine is a character I feel I could have played for years. It was the best kind of work - continually challenging and rewarding. At the end of each show I felt like I had done well, but not that I had nailed it. I was never finished.
I still think about it daily. Mulling things over: moments and character history and specific wording. I have no need to. But it has become a part of me.
I put away my script today. Tattered and falling apart, I placed it on the bookshelf with so many other scripts. Scripts from productions gone by. Plays I hope to do some day. Things I was forced to read in college.
I put the play on the shelf.
And I wanted to cry.