When I was a child, back in the days before parents worried their child might be suffocated by an airbag (back before there were such things as airbags) my brother and I used to fight about whose turn it was to sit in the front seat. I distinctly remember these arguments about seating to and from church on Sunday mornings (perhaps we weren't in the car without my father all that much otherwise. He always had to be to church early, being the pastor and all). I always wanted to ride in the front on the way home. So that I would remember it longer.
In high school I was big on anniversaries. But not in the technical, once a year sense. More like 48 hours ago I was at that party, meeting that cute guy. Or last week was closing campfire, when I cried. Or one month ago was opening night. I spent a considerable amount of energy looking backwards, clinging to moments past. And not just looking back, but thinking very specifically about timing and dates.
I'm not sure when I stopped doing this. Maybe it was the experience of being an actress, the having to let go of past shows and past casts and swiftly move on to the next thing, putting all my energies there. I'm pretty sure it was before I became a mother, because otherwise I would have been trying to cling to every milestone. 3 days ago at just this moment, 2:22 pm, The May Queen rolled over for the first time....
Even so, I don't know that I'm always great about living in the present. I am now often clouded by the list of things that must be done that is constantly playing in my head. Thinking about getting on to the next thing. I know, however, that the best thing to do is focus on the now. When I'm having a hard day and feeling disconnected it seems the best thing is to ditch it all and spend time one and one with The May Queen. I'm not saying it's an easy thing, but when I manage to do it, it does seem to be the magic moment that puts it all right again.
How do you stay present (or do you?)?
By the way... I wasn't fishing for affirmation on my last post, but it was a lovely by-product. thank you.
And the song that the title came from (I seem to be doing that a lot lately) was Jump Around by House of Pain.