When I was a child, back in the days before parents worried their child might be suffocated by an airbag (back before there were such things as airbags) my brother and I used to fight about whose turn it was to sit in the front seat. I distinctly remember these arguments about seating to and from church on Sunday mornings (perhaps we weren't in the car without my father all that much otherwise. He always had to be to church early, being the pastor and all). I always wanted to ride in the front on the way home. So that I would remember it longer.
In high school I was big on anniversaries. But not in the technical, once a year sense. More like 48 hours ago I was at that party, meeting that cute guy. Or last week was closing campfire, when I cried. Or one month ago was opening night. I spent a considerable amount of energy looking backwards, clinging to moments past. And not just looking back, but thinking very specifically about timing and dates.
I'm not sure when I stopped doing this. Maybe it was the experience of being an actress, the having to let go of past shows and past casts and swiftly move on to the next thing, putting all my energies there. I'm pretty sure it was before I became a mother, because otherwise I would have been trying to cling to every milestone. 3 days ago at just this moment, 2:22 pm, The May Queen rolled over for the first time....
Even so, I don't know that I'm always great about living in the present. I am now often clouded by the list of things that must be done that is constantly playing in my head. Thinking about getting on to the next thing. I know, however, that the best thing to do is focus on the now. When I'm having a hard day and feeling disconnected it seems the best thing is to ditch it all and spend time one and one with The May Queen. I'm not saying it's an easy thing, but when I manage to do it, it does seem to be the magic moment that puts it all right again.
How do you stay present (or do you?)?
______
By the way... I wasn't fishing for affirmation on my last post, but it was a lovely by-product. thank you.
And the song that the title came from (I seem to be doing that a lot lately) was Jump Around by House of Pain.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
I am always thinking toward the future.
As a SAHM, I, too, have found that one sure way to de-stress is to stop everything and spend time at the child's level. However, I sometimes think of this as "giving in" or giving up, which is unfairly negative, especially considering it's kinda my job. Once in a while, I get a glimpse into someone else's life (that sounds odd, coming from a blogger, who does it multiple times a day!) and I reel at what that person considers "A Well-Spent Day." Gah! I'd be flogging myself.
ahem. TMI about me, me, me. And here's more.
Yesterday, I had a moment (because I had to stop and pee) when it occurred to me that one day I will look back and think "these are the best years of my life." I mentioned it to my husband (because he likes to know when I am happy; he thinks it is too seldom) and he said, but that's how it always is.
I guess my answer is to take a moment and check in with yourself.
As for staying present, it comes easier with age. Seriously. If you asked me to tell what was happening a month ago today, I wouldn't have the vaguest idea.
~*
I have a draft post somewhere about something like this. In sum, it says something like: why on earth would you want to live in the moment? What gives life all its joy and color and resonance is the past and the future.
I find it very hard to live in the moment. I could use advice on that myself!
What niobe said.
Being present is my biggest battle. I know it as fact that it is better. I know that if I give in to it I am happier. But I am always fighting to do that, to be, just in the moment. Something so simple is so complicated.
Buddhists say that humans have lost and must re find the present. We are cursed with a past and a future. ANd so they breathe. When you focus on your breathing it is hard for your brain to race ahead or behind...(Not impossible unfortunately as my brain has proved in countless meditations, but harder anyway...:)
thanks for stopping by--and thanks for being the first and most consistent visitor to my page
I should practice this myself more. And oh so true, when we grew up as kids there were no such things as carseats either - and we lived to tell about it. :)
Sigh. I spend lots of time trying to live in the moment.
I'm just not very good at it, is all.
Post a Comment