Cracked

This isn't the most flattering self portrait, but it's a pretty accurate representation of my life right now. I took it through a crack in a cement slab, and the crack and rebar and myself - we're all reflected in the water below.

Crying Uncle

OK. I get it. I am not in control.

I move across the country because my husband has the call.

I move into a temporary house, and I weather the storm.

I put in an offer on a short sale, and wait... and wait... and wait... for it to close.

We move in, and work hard to surmount all that Murphy and his damned law throw our way.

I pray and pray and pray that our home in Louisiana will sell.

We finally get and accept an offer. This week.

And then...

Yesterday.

A geiser. In the master bathroom. Flooding through the ceiling down to the living room below.

Water. Everywhere.

A new ceiling. New hardwood? New carpet? New plumbing.

Calls to the insurance company. Trying to answer questions about the catastrophe 1000 miles away.

No idea what's going to happen to the offer... the SIGNED offer PENDING INSPECTION... scheduled to close the end of this month.

I realize that there are people facing worse things. Earthquakes and tsunamis and nuclear disaster, for instance.

But still...

please.

I am waving the white flag.

I am crying uncle.

Enough already.

Home is where your story begins

So...

we closed on the new house well over a month ago (Valentine's Day, to be precise) and after over 2 weeks of really hard labor and some whopping good examples of Murphy's Law we moved our stuff here, only to discover that all sorts of our furniture literally DID NOT FIT (like, it would fit in the room, but couldn't get in the door, or down the stairs, or turn the corner in the hallway). The day of the move my husband andI were recounting all the things that had gone wrong and laughing hysterically. The May Queen asked why we were laughing, and I told her that it was either that or cry. And she joined in the laughter.

I am exhausted and not fully unpacked and not yet completely out of the temporary house. Projects I had hoped to have completed before we moved our stuff in still aren't done (since our old friend Murphy made sure we had enough other stuff to keep us busy, thank you very much). Our computer died and we had to get a new one.

It's been a hell of a month.

But we've had our first houseguests. And today we hung some pictures on the wall. And i LOVE my red living room and enormous kitchen sink. So it's getting there.

Slowly.

So that's why I haven't been around much. Or part of why. It turns out that even though I'm an extrovert (with a BLOG, for heaven's sake) I'm really not all that good about talking about myself when the going gets tough. But I'm getting there.

Slowly.

Biting My Virtual Tongue V2

A while back I did a post about facebook statuses i would never actually post. Here are some COMMENTS that I'm tempted to make... but won't:

-Just how much television DO you watch?

-How can you be stupid enough to believe that rumor? Have you never fact checked anything in your life?

-Do you realize that every picture you post of your toddler shows him watching TV?

-If you're going to put your political opinions out there for all of your friends to read, don't be so darn upset when someone disagrees with you. Sure, it's your wall and you can say what you want. But once you've put it out there you've opened yourself up for someone to disagree with you.

-If you don't care to hear from anyone who disagrees with you just unfriend all of your friends of a different political persuasion and tune solely in to your biased news programs that will never challenge your long held understanding of how the world works.

-Another "witty" status shuffle post? Yawn.

-It's really not cool to talk badly about "some people" whom you leave unnamed via a status update. Talk to them if you have an issue. Don't make it an issue on Facebook.

-You "like" THAT? Really??? Why????



What about you? What comments have you held back?

Delayed to death?

Remember how I wrote that at the end of this month we'd be moving into our new home? Nope, still here. The date got pushed back, and now may be pushed back again, and we fear it may be pushed right out of existence. And NOT because of us.

In other news... we're looking to have a foot of snow drop on us in the next few days. The May Queen is beside herself with excitement. I'm making sure we have enough chocolate and wine to last me until I can get to the store again. Priorities, you know.

my 2010

The past two years I've done this meme in January, and thought maybe it would be both a good way to reflect on the past year, and do some actual blogging again. So here goes...

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I moved back to Michigan. I grew up here, but I've never lived here as an adult.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any resolutions last year, although I did mention in the answer to this question last year that I would like to exercise more and tone up. I would still like to do that. My resolve, however, is clearly not very strong.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. A friend gave birth this summer, and I have enjoyed several visits with her beautiful baby girl (and her fun, Shark-loving big brother... and their mama, of course!).

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandfather died in October. He was the last of my grandparents to go, and I feel his loss immensely. The May Queen has been struggling with this, too. Just before Christmas she saw an ad for a local hospital, and said to her daddy that if Great Grandpa had gone there maybe he wouldn't have died. He used it to talk to her more about cancer, death, and Grandpa's choice not to treat his terminal illness.

5. Where did you travel?
Orlando; Nuevo Vallerto, Mexico; New York City; Mobile, AL and Ft. Myers, FL. And across the country for a move.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
I have felt so unsettled this year. I started off the year with the seed of a possibility of moving, which grew and grew, and we readied our home for sale by painting and boxing up belongings. Then we moved and have been in temporary housing since July. I feel dislodged, without a nest to feather. My home is not my refuge. I would like to get into my new house (looks like we'll close mid February!) and make it my home. I also only did one show in 2010, and the lack of that creative outlet has been really difficult. I hope to have more theatre in my life in 2011. I also want more confidence. I feel shaken after this move... unsure and unsettled and without not only a home, but a PLACE... and my confidence has plummeted.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday July 23rd the moving truck deposited all of my belongings into this house, and that night a storm deposited a bunch of water into the basement. It seems, unfortunately, to have been a pretty accurate harbinger of how I would feel in the months to follow.
However, a week later, on Saturday July 31st I stood in a chapel of St. Bartholomew's in NYC and made promises to love, care for and share the grace of God with a much awaited and loved baby boy, which is a reminder of answered prayers and abundant love.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I have no idea. Getting out of bed seemed like an achievement many days.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I feel like I am failing at making a new life in a new place. I don't think that this is a permanent failure, I think it is something that can turn around. There are small successes within the larger failure, of course, and I am trying to build on those.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
John Boutte's live at Jazz Fest 2010 CD. And a new winter coat.

11. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Hallelujah. Specifically ,John Boutte's version of Leonard Cohen's tune. It's been a year of trying to sing Hallelujah, no matter what.

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

12. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laugh.

13. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Staring at screens.

14. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee and Treme.

15. What was your favorite movie?
I can't think of one. (The King's Speech was excellent, and by far the best movie I've seen in ages, but I saw that in 2011)

16. What was the best book you read?
Oh, I do have a resolution this year, and it's to keep a list of the books I've read so that I'll remember these things! I finished The Help just before the end of the year, and it was a wonderful book.

17. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Honestly? Not moving. But honestly? Not moving would have presented it's own set of challenges, and who can truly say they wouldn't have been worse?

18. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
haha. The idea of me having a fashion concept is laughable. This winter's concept, though, is: LAYERS . aka "Baby, it's cold outside."

19. What kept you sane?
Nothing. Clearly.

20. Who did you miss?
I moved, so the list is long, long, long. Topping the list are my next door neighbors, a friend who really supported me in my last days there, and the praise team at my old church.

21. Who was the best new person you met?
I have a new friend here who has been wonderful. She invited me to join with her and another friend for a weekly lunch date. We've gotten together with our families, we've gone to movies, plays, restaurants. She has gone out of her way to make me feel included. When we settle in our new home she will live a few blocks away. And I am so grateful for her.

22. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2010.
I think that I haven't finished learning the lessons of 2010 yet.

A quick rundown

Christmas break was busy with several visits from friends, hosting both sides of the family for Christmas (that's a first for us! Welcome back to Michigan!), etc. The grown ups in the house are completely disenchanted with winter and wanting our warm, southern winters back, while The May Queen keeps praying for more snow ("think we'll get 3 feet tonight?"). After I remained healthy all fall despite colds all around me, I finally caught one (or it caught me, more likely. I TRIED to run...) The biggest and best news is that we have a closing date for our house here in Michigan, so at the end of this month we can finally start moving out of temporary housing and making a HOME in our new community. Of course, we still own a house in Louisiana, so that's a bummer. Still, visions of paint chips and new bedding are dancing in my head.

I've been posting pictures over on my project365 blog. I'm starting two part time jobs at my church.

Oh. And we used It's Not the Stork, at Magpie's suggestion, to start a birds and bees conversation with The May Queen. That went well (totally "eeewwww..." free).

So see, I'm still here. Plugging away. Just not posting.