Thursday, July 1, 2010

Biting my virtual tongue

Some Facebook statuses I'll never actually post:

Painted Maypole doesn't care what you had for lunch. Unless it was monkey brains.

Painted Maypole can't help but think, every time you post that you need more ammunition or seeds or food for your pink llama, that what you really need is a life.

Painted Maypole finds it really creepy when married couples communicate everyday information to each other via FB wall posts.

Painted Maypole wishes that you were in the 98% of people who don't copy and paste.

Painted Maypole understands that typos happen, but thinks that if you're starting a page for FB you really ought to spell everything correctly.

Painted Maypole can't understand why you post dire warnings about FB invading our privacy, but then constantly run applications that warn you they are going to access all your information.

Painted Maypole will usually deny the use of such applications, no matter how curious she is about the question you answered about her.

Painted Maypole sometimes leaves the FB page open on her computer and walks away for hours, therefore missing your chat. Sometimes she just pretends that she has. You'll never know which it really is.

What are some FB statuses you'll never post?


Furrow said...

Painted Maypole is hilarious, and totally dead on!

mine: Furrow doesn't hate the troops, or mothers, or breast cancer survivors, or her children, or her husband, or her sister (she doesn't even have one) or Haitian orphans, or Sudanese refugees, or victims of bad dye-jobs, she's just never going to copy and paste a status update.


Furrow would read the bible if she wanted a daily scripture quote.

Rima said...

RimaRama would read a Hallmark card if she wanted an inspirational quote.

Rima said...

Um, I just now read Furrow's update. I guess great minds think alike.

Kyla said...

I love the 4th and last ones!

Aunt Becky said...

Aunt Becky thinks Facebook is lame.

Aunt Becky wishes she had exes on Facebook to feel smugly superior toward.

Erin said...

The Looney Bin is pretty sure that your repeated assertions that you don't care are a perfect example of The Lady Doth Protest Too Much.


The Looney Bin totally agrees with Painted Maypole about the copied and pasted status updates.


The Looney Bin is certain that her darling daughters hung the moon and her wonderful husband is the hottest man on the planet, but she doesn't need to post these facts on Facebook. Instead, she *tells* her children and her husband to their faces that they are the best, which works better, especially in the case of her not-yet-literate children.

Karen said...

PM, it's like you are inside my brain!!! I'm afraid, what else do you know!

I have found a way to hide apps, though! This does not stop people from constantly adding new apps! It's a crazy world.

@Furrow & @Looney bin - I don't even know you and your inside my head! Scary.

And, for the record, Karen is trying hard not to think about how excited you are for your honeymoon. Have fun, but couldn't you just, you know, whisper that in your lover's ear somewhere not on the internet?!?

Kat said...

This is so perfect! I would love to post ALL of those. I am so over Facebook. Not that I was ever that jazzed about it in the first place. It is just getting SO annoying now. Ugh. I can't even handle it. And don't get me started on Twittering. Egad.
I think our whole society needs to unplug! (including me, who is blogging at this very second! HAHAHA!!)

Great post! :)

Controlling My Chaos said...

Man, I'm with you. It never ceases to amaze me how many people spend their time "farming" on FB and all the other virtual things they can do. What a big time suck.

kaye said...

I just don't get facebook--everybody seems to be talking but nobody's listening

Kelly @ Student of the Year said...

I'd never post a post-coital status update, like:

StudentoftheYear is resting comfortably after a kick-ass lovemaking session.

I've been tempted though....

Mary G said...

Mary G thinks Painted Maypole is correct. And is laughing.