The ORIGINAL ending to The Gospel of Mark

I've found it! The UNTIL NOW missing part of the bible that everyone else seems to be following, but I never could figure out why! As you may know, there is scholarly debate over the ending of the gospel of Mark, and most people agree that Mark 16:9-20 is a later addition. But I have found the REAL, ORIGINAL version of these verses (with one additional verse!), and somehow, people of today have apparently been led by the Holy Spirit to follow them even thought they had not read them. These verses also reveal that Facebook has been around for much longer than Mark Zuckerberg. The technology must have been lost around the same time as these verses were (perhaps in the destruction of Jerusalem?) and I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Zuckerberg himself found these verses (heck, he's named after the Apostle Mark himself! It was probably preordained!) and invented Facebook, just so that we can live out our faith as Jesus wanted. That last bit, of course, is just my speculation. Regardless, I am sure that these newly found verses are authentic. Here they are, for your spiritual fulfillment:

9 When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, but this has no significance, and does not indicate that women should be given leadership roles of any form. 10 She went and posted on Facebook that Jesus was alive, and entreated all of her friends to copy and paste. 11 When the disciples read that Jesus was alive and that Mary had seen him, they did not believe it, and decided that men should be forever in charge of women for they clearly could not be trusted. And they did not re-post.

12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. 13 He told them that it didn't matter if they had to miss worship for things like sleeping in, sports events, or going to a movie. Worship and community were just suggestions, and not all that important, really, to the living out of their faith. In fact, he wasn't sure why he ever bothered to mention them at all.

14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to re-post Mary's status.

15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and re-post the gospel to all your friends. 16 Whoever re-posts will be saved, but whoever does not re-post will be condemned."

17 The disciples knew this might be their last chance to ask Jesus questions about his gospel, and so they asked "Lord, you have commanded us to care for the sick. How should we best do this? By working to heal and cure? By delivering meals to those who are ill and their families? By visiting them in their illness, and praying for their health and peace?" 18 Jesus replied "Oh, those things are fine, but really, all you need to do is raise AWARENESS of the illness. Wear pink. Tell the world the color of the bra you are wearing. Pin a red ribbon to your chest. Put an Autism puzzle magnet on the back of your car. Everyone will understand if you don't actually want to be around people who are sick. They can be gross!"

19 The disciples had many more questions: how best to achieve peace and justice; did they really have to love ALL their neighbors; and, most importantly, what was a car and were they, as men, even allowed to wear bras. But lo, at that moment the Lord Jesus was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God, checking Facebook to make sure that his disciples had accepted his friend requests. 20 Then the disciples hurried to their computers and posted that Jesus was their hero, and anyone who loved God had better copy and paste as their status for at least one hour, lest Jesus know they were ashamed of their faith. 21 After the prescribed hour had passed the disciples posted a link for all their friends to donate to a charity walk they were participating in to raise awareness of their pet illness/social justice issue, then returned to posting snarky status updates about how "some people" behave and cute pictures of kittens, content that they had fulfilled the commandments of their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Much Ado about Cyber Bulling

Follow this production of Much Ado About Nothing, via Facebook, all done in status updates and comments, and designed to educate kids about both Shakespeare and cyberbulling.

Read about the project here.

I'm interested in seeing how this will work.

Plus, it's timely, considering my recent desire to see a "Shakespeare" language option for FB.

Biting My Virtual Tongue V2

A while back I did a post about facebook statuses i would never actually post. Here are some COMMENTS that I'm tempted to make... but won't:

-Just how much television DO you watch?

-How can you be stupid enough to believe that rumor? Have you never fact checked anything in your life?

-Do you realize that every picture you post of your toddler shows him watching TV?

-If you're going to put your political opinions out there for all of your friends to read, don't be so darn upset when someone disagrees with you. Sure, it's your wall and you can say what you want. But once you've put it out there you've opened yourself up for someone to disagree with you.

-If you don't care to hear from anyone who disagrees with you just unfriend all of your friends of a different political persuasion and tune solely in to your biased news programs that will never challenge your long held understanding of how the world works.

-Another "witty" status shuffle post? Yawn.

-It's really not cool to talk badly about "some people" whom you leave unnamed via a status update. Talk to them if you have an issue. Don't make it an issue on Facebook.

-You "like" THAT? Really??? Why????



What about you? What comments have you held back?

Biting my virtual tongue

Some Facebook statuses I'll never actually post:

Painted Maypole doesn't care what you had for lunch. Unless it was monkey brains.

Painted Maypole can't help but think, every time you post that you need more ammunition or seeds or food for your pink llama, that what you really need is a life.

Painted Maypole finds it really creepy when married couples communicate everyday information to each other via FB wall posts.

Painted Maypole wishes that you were in the 98% of people who don't copy and paste.

Painted Maypole understands that typos happen, but thinks that if you're starting a page for FB you really ought to spell everything correctly.

Painted Maypole can't understand why you post dire warnings about FB invading our privacy, but then constantly run applications that warn you they are going to access all your information.

Painted Maypole will usually deny the use of such applications, no matter how curious she is about the question you answered about her.

Painted Maypole sometimes leaves the FB page open on her computer and walks away for hours, therefore missing your chat. Sometimes she just pretends that she has. You'll never know which it really is.

What are some FB statuses you'll never post?

playing undercover?

A friend of mine and I were playing Scrabble on Facebook earlier, and we come up with silly names for each game (why do you have to NAME your games?). I named a new game "undercover" based on something we had been chatting about. Then, these were the first three words played:
Yes, we are easily amused. (And do you know how excited I was to look at my letters and see "coital?" Very.)

Two-Facedbook? - Monday Mission

Painted Maypole is proud of [her national church body] for passing a resolution that allows rostered homosexual pastors to be in a committed relationship. It's been too long in coming.

9 people like this


DCM* 1 Wha???

DCM 2 Who voted on this?

DCM 1 And why is our pastor's wife happy about this???

DCM 3 I knew she voted for Obama, but I didn't realize she was THIS liberal

DCM 1 Houston, we have a problem

DCM 2 No kidding

DCM 1 I don't think we can stay part of this church

DCM 2 We should pull all our money from the national church organization

DCM 1 We should pull our whole congregation from the national church organization

DCM 2 Yes, we cannot continue to be part of an organization that approves of this.

DCM 1 And if Painted approves of this, might her husband approve of this, too?

DCM 3 *gasp*

DCM 2 If that's the case, I'm not sure he can be our pastor anymore

DCM 3 *double gasp*

DCM 1 I agree. Let's talk some more about this.

DCM 2 Maybe we should draft a statement of our opposition

DCM 1 Let's talk with other people about our dismay

DCM 2 I'm angry

DCM 1 Me, too!

DCM 3 Should we maybe talk to them about it?

DCM 1 ???????????

DCM 2 There's a council meeting on Monday. Let's organize and come out with a strong stance at that meeting.

DCM 1 Agreed. I'll talk to some of my like minded friends.

DCM 3 Has anyone talked to Painted or her husband about this?

DCM 1 ??????

DCM 2 What's there to talk about, the bible is clear.

DCM 3 Well, obviously Painted doesn't think so, and some leaders in our national church organization don't think so. Should we take a look at the other side?

DCM 2 The other side is SATAN.

DCM 3 Ummmm....

DCM 1 See you at the meeting on Monday!

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*DCM - Disgruntled Church Member

***** The original status is an actual status I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago. The comments are my imagined comments of some composite DCMs. Although frankly, I haven't heard any wind of someone as reasoned as DCM 3. And no one has said any of this as openly to me. I am hearing whispers and rumours. It was this that caused me to briefly go private with my blog. Monday night (9/14) is the council meeting. The actual comments that appeared under my status on FB were mostly in agreement, which some discussion and concern about this not going over well.

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This post has been a Monday Mission. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a post in the form of a facebook status (or several... with or without comments... be creative!). If you DO play along, please put a link to your post in the widget below.

Join us next week, when your mission will be to write a post in the form of a photo essay - tell your story completely through pictures.

Will you sign my yearbook?

Trying to figure out who all these people are requesting my friendship on Facebook has sent me running to my attic in search of my yearbook. Which led to digging out the photo albums. And scanning a bunch of pictures.

My senior photo. Rockin' the backlight. It's almost enough to make me run out and get another spiral perm. Almost.

I even created a facebook meme- quoting what people wrote in my yearbook and tagging them to see if they can guess who wrote what. I did skip the usual "have a great summer" and "I'll miss you" and "K.I.T." There were some pretty funny ones, with the major themes being the major things I was involved in my senior year: Choir, calculus (Why, I ask you? Why???), drama and the school newspaper. And some very funny stuff about dancing. Oh, and spring break. We travelled north. Like real Michiganders.

Reminiscing has been fun.

Giving Good Face

I've been thinking about what makes a good Facebook status, and I've narrowed it down to three key things. A good status invites your friends to laugh with you (Painted Maypole's hammock just fell out of the tree. With her in it. Ouch.), celebrate with you (Painted Maypole got the part!) and/or commiserate with you (Painted Maypole really wishes she had heeded the advice "Leaves of three, don't touch me."). The occasional question or request is permitted (Painted Maypole would like to know who else will be at Jazz Fest this Friday.). Pure information sharing should be kept to a bare minimum.

Under no circumstances should you have a status report informing all of your friends that you are at work... unless of course it's the first day at a new job or something (which is then inviting your friends to celebrate with you). And while I am all for political discourse, 2-3 posts per day railing against Obama will get you blocked.

What do you think makes a good - or bad - status report?

Split Personality

I have, for much of my life, felt like I have lived multiple lives. Not multiple PAST lives, but I've felt that there are parts of my life that are quite separate from the rest. I think we all do this to some extent. We have the work life and the parental life and the church life and whatnot. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. And I don't think that I behave without integrity: the person I am in the theatre is NOT a person with different morals and ways of operating than the person I am at church. However, I do feel that where I am and who I am with effects greatly what areas of my personality are at the forefront. At church, particularly as the pastor's wife, I'm less political. I speak up, surely, but I am ever aware that most people have a different political take on things. On this blog I'm "Painted Maypole" and, as in real life, I choose which parts of me I'll put out there. But I've kept it anonymous so that I can speak a bit more freely. And I figure that if you don't like what I have to say, you'll read a different blog.

Now that I've joined Facebook I'm coming up against this. I first got on it when a dear friend from high school was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I knew I would enjoy getting in touch with old high school and college friends. And I have. I also had wanted to do it because I felt it would get me more plugged into the theatre community here. And it has.

But now I have friends from my mom's group. And friends from church. And friends that are really people my hubby knows way better than I do, but he doesn't have his own account. And now my insurance agent wants to friend me. MY INSURANCE AGENT. Granted, we're rather friendly with him, and have a church connection. But still. (I haven't accept it yet. The invite just sits there. Nagging at me).

Facebook is quickly becoming a dilemma for me. Because it feels like it is no longer a space for me. Before I post ANYTHING or join any group or post any pictures I have to think about all the hundreds of "friends" who will see it.

And in some ways, that's wise. Because what do I really want to be putting out there on the internet for all the world to see?

But in some ways, well... I dunno. It's making me come face to face with the different lives I live. And how they really are quite separate. And I don't know how to make them come together.
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I'm sorry I haven't been around to your places very much. We've had daytime performance for schools and I've started rehearsals for a new show and I spent several nights down in the city this week to cut down on commuting.

Monday's Mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a post in the style of a greeting card.

Painted Maypole has succumbed to peer pressure.

Painted Maypole finally joined facebook. Because she has all this extra time to kill (cough, cough).

Painted Maypole is trying to resist looking at the long lists of friends of friends to find people she also knows.

Painted Maypole has received requests from people whom she could swear she has never met, but apparently we have friends in common. Painted Maypole doesn't quite know how to handle this. (what is the internet etiquette there?)

Painted Maypole is now "friends" with people she had only a passing aquaintance with in college. Twelve years ago. She's not sure she cares what they are doing now, frankly. Unless they can get her a paid acting gig.

Painted Maypole plans to keep her blogging and facebooking separate, since she blogs anonymously, and so although she truly does consider you all to actually BE her FRIENDS, she is politely declining all of your kind offers to "friend" her on facebook. At least for the time being.