Meet Bianca

Our new kitty arrived on Sunday Dec 11. We had kicked around a few names before she arrived, and had mostly settled on Bianca (a character from The Taming of the Shrew. We liked the name, and naming a black cat "white"). We we met her, the name worked, and Bianca she is.She is playful. And cuddly. She tolerates being toted everywhere by the May Queen. She settles down on my husband's lap to watch football. She's a champion at purring. Even the other cats have stopped hissing at her. Marlowe seems to be enjoying having a playmate.Everyone is quite smitten with this kitten.How could you not be?

9

Yesterday you turned 9. It's amazing how time flies. This weekend you sat in my lap, and I thought of how I used to hold you, a newborn, in one arm. With the way you're growing you'll be taller than me in no time. And that's no small feat, as I'm 5'10". You used to say you wanted to be as tall as daddy (6'5"). Do you still want that?

I'm grateful you still sit in my lap. Occasionally you'll hold my hand walking home from the bus stop or crossing a street. Briefly, so briefly, and I remember how much I've always loved the feel of your soft hand in mine.

You're a Daddy's girl through and through. He's clearly your favorite person in the world, and you miss him when he's gone and rejoice in his returning. He tickles you and calls you his weasel and you squeal in protest, loving every minute of it.

You lost your grandfather this year, and handled his last days with so much love and grace. You spent endless hours over several months at his bedside, and it's no secret you were his favorite visitor. On his last night you shared a meal of macaroni and cheese and ice cream. The next morning you sat in the the living room with his lifeless body before the funeral home came to take him away. In the weeks that followed we talked about life and death and God and heaven and your late Uncle Greg. I explained cremation and tried to talk with you about soul.

It's been a hard year for me, and I wonder how much that has effected you. I know my patience and creativity and energy have been lagging, and I'm sorry for the times that I snapped at you and wasn't up to playing.

You're on the edge of childhood and the tween years. You still play with Barbies and Zoobles and Littlest Pet Shop. You're starting to take some flack for that. A girl in your class made fun of you for taking home the empty tissue box to make a home for your LPS. You were hurt by that, but I was proud to see you bring home another empty box a few days later. Stuffed animals trail behind you wherever you go, and you rotate your favorites. You love real animals, too, of all ilk. Foxes are your latest favorite. I'm not quite sure yet how I'll help you be a fox for Halloween.

As you get older I feel more pressure to pass on the things I want you to learn, most importantly to be KIND first. I'm also trying to figure out how to help you see things from a different point of view and to not take everything so personally. As an only child there are experiences you've lacked that might have helped you learn these things. I'm trying to help you navigate the waters of interacting with others.

You have some great friends, friends who love to play and laugh and be silly. I hope these friends become lifelong rocks for you.

9 years. Thank you for sharing your life with us for 9 years. You're halfway to adulthood. Halfway to college. I wish sometimes I could make time stand still, or reverse it. But we are here, now. Let's enjoy every minute.

Delayed to death?

Remember how I wrote that at the end of this month we'd be moving into our new home? Nope, still here. The date got pushed back, and now may be pushed back again, and we fear it may be pushed right out of existence. And NOT because of us.

In other news... we're looking to have a foot of snow drop on us in the next few days. The May Queen is beside herself with excitement. I'm making sure we have enough chocolate and wine to last me until I can get to the store again. Priorities, you know.

check mate

There seem to be two reasonable schools of thought for how to inform your child about the basics of sexual intercourse:

1. Choose a time to give them a basic rundown and then give them "the talk." This can be spread out over several "talks" as a child matures

2. Wait until they ask questions, then give them honest, straightforward answers that tell them enough, but not more than they really want to know at the time. In this way mete out the information as they are naturally curious.

(I have ruled out the option of just setting my child in front of a lot of R rated movies until she figures it out. Of course, R rated movies wouldn't necessarily teach her about reproduction.... just idealized sex)

My husband and I seem to be going with option 2. I mean, if we don't actually sit down and have the talk, then I guess we're waiting for her to ask questions. And of course we hope she asks us, and not her friends on the playground.

Shudder.

I think my parents went with #1. I don't remember any conversations, but clearly remember the book Where Did I Come From?, and even picked up a copy at a library book sale years ago thinking I might use it when the time is right. And maybe I will. But when I looked at it a year or so ago it seemed like a LONG way to go about it.

Last night we were reading Nuts at bedtime, and there was a bit about squirrel mating. At the end of the chapter I asked The May Queen if she knew what mating was. She didn't.

"Mating is how animals make babies."

"Ok."

She seemed uninterested in knowing more, so I left it there.

How about you? Have you chosen an option? Tell me your stories!

bunnies

Bunny 2004

This was taken at Easter, but she wore the same thing for Halloween that year. I remember that the only way I could get her to smile was by singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Do you see him climbing up the water spout?

Here she is at Halloween. Cute, but you can't see the face or ears on the costume. She was barely two, and this was the first year we trick or treated. We probably only went to 15-20 houses, and she wanted to go inside them all!

flop eared bunny 2010
We had actual bunny ears, I swear, but they must have been a casualty of the move. We decided these dog ears would work for a flop eared bunny. When she stood up the tail was actually in the right spot. The neighborhood we're in now has pretty tightly packed homes, and she got a LOT of loot, even with coming back early because she was tired of walking.

< three

I don't know how to tell the story of my grandfather dying.

Every day there is at least one e-mail in my inbox documenting his rapid decline. It's only been three weeks since he was diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer.

It's been less than three months since I last saw him. Since we walked together, and sat chatting poolside while the kids played.

Three months before that he was still regularly playing tennis, before stopping for his usual summer break as the heat in Florida became too unbearable and his usual partners made their summer treks back north.

But three days ago my mother sat at my kitchen table, tears in her eyes, telling me what it's like to be watching her father die. Preparing herself to fly back to Florida the next day to stay with him until the end. Which cannot be far off. It is happening incredibly quickly, although the days of caring for him creep by incredibly slowly.



Growing up I knew I was lucky to have all four of my grandparents alive. All 4 were there for my confirmation. My high school graduation. My college graduation. My wedding.

My grandfather is the last man standing.

He has lived a full and active 86 years. He will likely die in his own home (thanks to Hospice and the generous care of his three children).



The May Queen has a special relationship with him. For the longest time she insisted he be called Great Grandpa [Maypole]. If I left his surname out in referring to him, I was scolded. He would pretend to nap on the couch while she piled him high with stuffed animals, then he would "wake up" and scare her. She would giggle. He would grab an animal and chase her in circles around the house. He played endless games with her. They sat at our kitchen table and colored. He allowed her to dress him up in the silliest outfits.

impromptu dance party, May 2007

When she heard that her Great Grandpa was sick, she immediately wanted to go visit him. I debated it, but quickly realized it would not be good. I want her to remember him as he was, not as he is now. They just had a wonderful time together this summer. She said to my mother "you're so lucky you get to go see Great Grandpa." It broke my heart. Is it lucky to watch and wait for your father to die?

But we have been lucky. The May Queen has been lucky. Because she got to know him, her great grandfather.

Nov 2008

Lighthouse

I feel like I haven't been the best parent of late. I have been short tempered, not particularly present, impatient, and not very creative (school bus themed cupcakes aside). I haven't been terrible or negligent or abusive, and I have had some good moments (campfire and s'mores, nightly reading, etc), of course. But still... I'm lacking, and I know it. Stressful times can do that. I know I'm not doing things the way I want, yet the ability to change is proving difficult.
On Sunday we spent the afternoon touring a local lighthouse. It was a beautiful day, and The May Queen was quite patient and well behaved as we waited (and waited... they weren't at all efficient) for our turn to go up the narrow winding staircase.
She was being loving towards her aunt and grandmother who had joined us for the trip. She was entertaining herself with the rocks and bird skull she found along the shore.After we finally made it through the lighthouse we were waiting for the bus that would return us to the museum where our car was parked. We knew it would be a bit of a wait and I quickly saw that her patience, good behavior and ability for self control were waning. I felt irritated and tired.

And then it happened.

"Wanna play a game of I Spy?" I asked.

We spent the next half an hour or so playing I Spy. A simple enough diversion.But in that brief moment of turning away from the irritation and finding a quick, simple and fun solution, I felt it. A returning to the mom I want to be.

I spy a light, guiding the way.

____________________________

Don't forget to check out my review of i'd know you anywhere for a chance to win my copy of the book!

Third grade

It's the obligatory back to school post!

The May Queen has been looking forward to school starting pretty much since we arrived in Michigan, because she knows that school is a good place to make friends. She had an extra long summer, as Louisiana school ended before Memorial Day. All her LA friends started back up at the beginning of August, but here she had to wait until after Labor Day. She has had her outfit picked out for weeks. This is the first time she hasn't had to wear a uniform, and she's delighted.

Her classroom is an old kindergarten room (the school is now just 3-5 grades) so is extra roomy and fun. She's pretty excited about the lockers. And the Garfield posters. Garfield is a latest obsession.

She'll take the bus "home" every day, to my husbands office, where he'll either bring her home or I'll pick her up (since we don't yet live in the community). She was SO excited to ride the bus, as her private schools have never had buses before. She ran off the bus to give me a hug (yay! melt the Mommy heart) but then declared that the bus was not what she expected. "It's much louder!" And the boy behind her kicked the seat the whole way. She's pretty much decided that the bus is no fun. I could have told you that, kid.

But she did like the bus cupcakes I made to celebrate her first day. She had good things to say about everything else, and didn't seem upset that she played by herself all recess (on the tire swing. Everyone else was supposedly playing something she didn't want to play). I hope she branches out today, but I'm not pushing as she seems content.

Big Girls Do Cry

**warning - small spoiler alert for Ramona and Beezus**

Tears streamed down my cheeks. I glanced over at The May Queen, and she quickly looked away from me. Bagged crying again, I thought. But then I heard her sniff. She was crying, too. Her knees were pulled in to her chest. I lifted the arm separating our cinema seats, and rested my hand gently on her shoe. I thought she might cuddle into me, but she didn't.

For the rest of the movie she laughed, a little, but not nearly as full heartedly as she had before.

When the movie ended, we walked out, hand in hand.

What made you sad? I asked. I thought I knew, but I wanted to make sure I didn't go delving into stuff that hadn't bothered her.

When the cat died, she sniffed, and began crying again. I picked her up and held her while she wept. Wept. People walked by us, looking both sympathetic and curious.

I'm not sure if it was only the cat dying, and her thinking about OUR cats dying, as she said. Maybe it was that Ramona was probably going to have to move, and we have just moved away from her friends and her house and her school and the only life she's known. Maybe it was the fighting parents. I suspect that, like me, a sad point in a movie gave her a chance to cry and release all sorts of emotions we've been struggling with for weeks. These past few have not been easy. So yes, it's the cat, but it's so much more...intangible things that had everything and nothing to do with the movie.

Regardless, my child has cried over her first movie.

And I forgot to pack the tissues.

adrift

Today the Big Guy got on a plane for Michigan.

The May Queen and I are still here. We are trying to sell this house. Tomorrow it will have been on the market for 7 weeks.

We've sold two houses before; both in California, both during the housing bubble. We put them on the market, the next day we had lookers, and the following day we had offers at or above our asking price.

We knew it wouldn't happen that quickly this time. But we never imagined that we'd reach the point where The Big Guy was heading to Michigan and we wouldn't be under contract yet. That we wouldn't have a date set for when The May Queen and I would join him.

I was supposed to be teaching camp this week and next, but due to low enrollment, I was downsized. The good news is that The May Queen still gets to go for free. I'm trying to take advantage of the time to get some things done, visit with friends, and enjoy a bit of Louisiana while I still can. But it's throwing me off. I had imagined teaching camp, then maybe having a week or two to close up shop, and then making the move.

I'm not teaching. And there's no end in sight.

I am at sea.

(and a sea filled with oil, at that)

Happy May Day!

It was a muggy, windy and overcast day, but we managed to joyfully welcome May, anyhow. I've been quite busy and stressed out, so didn't quite do ALL the things I had planned for our festivities, but I did enough! The party lasted over 2 hours, which included dinner.

I made the floral wreaths for the girls out of dollar store leis... bought a pack of 3 for a dollar and then trimmed them to fit their heads. The extra flowers were then glued to their homemade May Baskets!

I pilfered bells from the Christmas jingle bells I use with my preschool students to tie around our ankles for the Morris Dancing. This was one of the favorite activites... the girls created their own pattern (tap sticks, shake the bells three times, skip three times, repeat)

and giggled, giggled, giggled.

We all twirled around the Maypole, which eventually turned into the girls RUNNING around the Maypole.

Then I held the Maypole and they twirled around ME, wrapping me up in the ribbons. They all got a big kick out of that.

Trying to get the "May Hoop" to go straight was a challenge. There were a lot of tongues sticking out in concentration, and again, a lot of giggling.

Giggling. This to me is the sound of success.

Happy May Day!

The Next Annie Leibovitz

We went a local park this afternoon and played on some old live oak trees. I wanted to get some pictures of The May Queen climbing on the branches, but she was more interested in taking pictures of me. She would tell me where to stand, what to do, where to place my hands. It was a hoot. Here are some of the more fun shots(and, I admit, more vaguely flattering... in the 50 or so she took there were some BAD ones!):

Just call me a tree hugger
Look! a hole!

Peekaboo!

Peekaboo, too! The photographer did come out from behind the lense a few times, with some prodding.

I do think she makes for a much cuter subject.



So... what do you think? My future Annie Leibovitz?

More Postcards from Disney

Dear Teacher,

This ride went upside down THREE TIMES! And I rode it twice.

2x3=6

I'm learning to multiply!

Love,
The May Queen


Dear Minnie,

Don't you know to turn the light off when you're not home? I just saved you lots on your electricity bill. But we should talk about that spectro magic parade...

Love,
The May Queen

Dear Mary Poppins,

Carousels are for sissies.

Wheee......
The May Queen

Dear Doctor,

Those drugs you gave me for my back are really helping with the pain, even if they do make me a bit loopy.

By the way, could you please call in a refill?

Thanks,
The Big Guy


Dear Mary Poppins,

OK, I take it back. Carousels are pretty cool, too.

And my mom says I have to apologize for using the word "sissies." Sorry.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,
The May Queen

Dear Prince John,

Enclosed please find a letter from my divorce attorney. It's over. I'm moving on.

Love,
Snow White

Dear Marriage Counselor,

All our problems with competition started on this seemingly harmless ride at Disney.

Please help.
Painted Maypole

p.s. Did I mention that I kicked his @ss?

Dear Rod Serling,

Scary, schmary. The May Queen LOVED the Tower of Terror.

(but HATED the Haunted Mansion. Twilight Zone THAT)

Dear Ariel and Cinderella,

Princesses may come and go, but cousins are forever.

Love,
MQ and K


Dear Mom and Dad,

Thanks for a great vacation
(too bad you're not in this picture, too!)

Love,
your family

Happy Mardi Gras!

May you have as much joy as MQ had in catching the elusive chocolate Moon Pie.

Throw me something, Daddy!

The Big Guy rode in his first Mardi Gras parade tonight. It's a New Orleans rite of passage, I think.

Do you have any idea how many beads he had to have to throw? Me neither, but I'm going to guestimate 5 million, and most of those we reused from other parades/friends. I enlisted the help of visiting British relatives to sort and detangle appx. 3 million of them (the rest I did by myself on my living room floor last week watching DVRed movies)

Here is a mere piddling of the beads we sorted. And some stuffed animals.


After helping to load all the stuff onto the float this morning (in the SNOW, I kid you not. Brr.... Snow and Mardi Gras are not supposed to be uttered in the same sentence. Ever) we got a family picture on the float.

It was about this time that I realized that the reason that The May Queen was so sullen even though she was dying to get on the float earlier is because she has a newly developed fear of heights. This will make Disney interesting next week.


By parade time, the fear was gone and The May Queen was pretty excited. Good thing we knew where to find Daddy, because with the mask, we had friends who knew where he was and still couldn't find him!
It was cold, but awfully fun.