Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Lighthouse

I feel like I haven't been the best parent of late. I have been short tempered, not particularly present, impatient, and not very creative (school bus themed cupcakes aside). I haven't been terrible or negligent or abusive, and I have had some good moments (campfire and s'mores, nightly reading, etc), of course. But still... I'm lacking, and I know it. Stressful times can do that. I know I'm not doing things the way I want, yet the ability to change is proving difficult.
On Sunday we spent the afternoon touring a local lighthouse. It was a beautiful day, and The May Queen was quite patient and well behaved as we waited (and waited... they weren't at all efficient) for our turn to go up the narrow winding staircase.
She was being loving towards her aunt and grandmother who had joined us for the trip. She was entertaining herself with the rocks and bird skull she found along the shore.After we finally made it through the lighthouse we were waiting for the bus that would return us to the museum where our car was parked. We knew it would be a bit of a wait and I quickly saw that her patience, good behavior and ability for self control were waning. I felt irritated and tired.

And then it happened.

"Wanna play a game of I Spy?" I asked.

We spent the next half an hour or so playing I Spy. A simple enough diversion.But in that brief moment of turning away from the irritation and finding a quick, simple and fun solution, I felt it. A returning to the mom I want to be.
I spy a light, guiding the way.



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10 comments:

de said...

I hope this is just the beginning and the rest will start to feel easier, too.

There have been times when I've felt just how you're describing - it's really tough, and quite a bit like being adrift in unfriendly waters.

Glad you found a guiding light.

You could always go back to MOMS Club...

Kyla said...

Yeah, sometimes a small step is all it takes.

alejna said...

Lovely post.

I love the photos. I don't believe I've ever been in (or even that close to) a lighthouse. I particularly love the shot of the stairway. What beautiful wood and light.

I'm glad that you found yourself getting back to the mom you want to be. This parenting business is hard work.

Kat said...

Beautiful post. I know most of us parents can relate to it very well. So proud of you for turning it all around.
Sounds like a fabulous trip! :) That stairway shot is amazing!

Magpie said...

That staircase is beautiful. So's the last shot.

You'll find your mojo, you will.

Christine said...

sometimes it only takes a moment to reverse course.

you are a good mama.

xoxo

Mary G said...

Cut yourself some slack! I tried to be a 'good enough' mother and my kids not only survived it they seem, as adults, to like me.

Rima said...

I have had periods like this and a good old fashioned round of UNO never fails to perk everyone up. I know you are a good mother, PM.

thirtysomething said...

I second Mary G! In the end , it is all ok, tough times mix with all the good memories and our kids begin to see life in terms of reality, especially when they have their own kids. You are an awesome mom!!

LOVE the pics of the lighthouse:)

Beck said...

Hard times make me feel cramped and small and grouchy and withdrawn. I spent ALL summer not being the mother I like to be, so now I feel like I'm playing catch-up.

That beautiful golden staircase! I'm pretty claustrophobic, so I'd probably panic the whole way up and down.