Dreams

I have been melancholy of late, as you know, floundering about without a show. I joked with a friend the other day that I don't know who I am when I'm not working on a play. And in a sad way I find that to be true.

I've been thinking a lot lately, even before this time, about what my theatrical dreams have been. What I have always longed for was to be part of a true repertory company. To have a home theatre. To be challenged with roles and called out for my bad habits and trusted to try new things. To have a community with whom I work again and again. To develop a language of working together and to inspire each other to think of things in a new way. To struggle and laugh and party and CREATE ART together.

When I greedily watched 3 seasons worth of Slings and Arrows in 2 weeks, all while in rehearsals and performances, I found that one of the things that attracted me most was that it was a show about a repertory theatre company. A show about what I long to do, with all the highs and lows of that.

There are very few true repertory companies left. There are some summer repertory companies. But most theatres that call themselves repertory companies do not truly have a COMPANY.

The theatre community in NOLA isn't terribly large. I have worked with many of the same people over and over.

But it's not the same. There is not something here that fits the bill.

I struggle with just accepting that and making the best of what IS here. Which is what I do, I suppose. But I wonder, sometimes, if there is a way to make it happen. You know, other than winning the lottery and then building a fabulous facility and inviting a few of my favoritist actors and directors and friends from across the country to come and make my dream come true. I've thought about trying to make it happen here for me, on a smaller scale. But I'm not sure I know who I would want to make it happen with, here. I know that I've never wanted to run a theatre. But it's still the dream. I don't think the opportunity is going to fall in my lap, and I'm not in the position to audition for rep companies and move where the job is. I have a family and I have a husband who can't just get a job anywhere. So I am here. And if this is going to remain the dream, then I need to think about how to make it work. Can I make it work?

I'm not expecting to find answers to this any time soon. But it is what is percolating in my melancholy brain these days.