Sunday, September 21, 2008

Ready to serve

In this essay I will prove that I, Sarah Palin, am ready to serve our country, that is, the United States of America, as it relates to other countries in a manner which is referred to as "foreign policies."

As for foreign policy, you know, I think that I am prepared. And I know that on January 20, if we are so blessed as to be sworn into office as your president and vice president, certainly we’ll be ready. I’ll be ready. I have that confidence. I have that readiness.

Last year I took the trip of a lifetime to visit our troops in Kuwait and stop and visit our injured soldiers in Germany That was the trip of a lifetime and it changed my life. And no, I have not met a foreign head of state and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you. But, again, we've got to remember what the desire is in this nation at this time. It is for no more politics as usual and somebody's big, fat resume maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment, where, yes, they've had opportunities to meet heads of state.

I have a lot of experience with our domestic energy supplies, and it’s about putting government back on the side of the people, and that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues. A credential that I do bring to this table is with the energy independence that I’ve been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy, that I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, overseeing the oil and gas development in our state to produce more for the United States. I want you to not lose sight of the fact that energy is a foundation of national security. It’s that important. It’s that significant.

I am in a unique position to understand the workings of Russian government because They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska -- from an island in Alaska.

In sum, I am ready and will be ready, I have the readiness and the confidence, to lead this nation in its foreign relations. I have been to the middle east and visited soldiers. I have not met with foreign heads of state which is a good thing; it means I am not going to give you politics as usual. I have worked with energy, which is a key part our national security. And I can see Russia from my beloved state of Alaska.

The highlighted links in my post are either the exact quotes, or quotes slightly altered so as to take out the interviewers question or qualify a pronoun, etc. The links will take you to articles containing the actual Sarah Palin quotes. This is a tad snarkier than I usually write around the Maypole, but once I had the idea, I couldn't resist, and it was fun to try to keep the whole body of the essay as actual quotes.

This post has been a Monday Mission. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a post in the form of a badly written essay (inspired by Bea's post about the things that drive her nuts about the essays she has to read). If you play along please place a link to your post in the widget below.


thailandchani said...

My little dog is more qualified! :)


Amy Y said...

My big toe is more qualified!

Anonymous said...

I have a gash in my forehead. I think I'll call that guy who can see the hospital from his house so that I may be healed.

Mad said...

Now, if only you had qualified "unique" with "very" in that last para, I could've given you an F minus. As it is, dear Sarah, you'll have to be content with an F. A brilliant F but an F nonetheless.

You do know that every single week I intend to do this and then I either get lazy or something comes up. Last night I was going to prove beyond the shadow of a dangling modifier doubt that Curious George is an allegory for the working class struggle against the yellow-hatted MAN as amplified though an imperialist lens. (amplified lens: Hmmm, is that a mixed metaphor or synaethasia?)

Anyway, I felt the lazy bug coming on and then--God as my witness--I accidentally washed two rolls of toilet paper with my dark load thus necessitating that I hem a new pair of pants so that I would have something lint-free to wear to work today. Needless to say, there was no time left to exercise my run-on sentences.

Angela said...


Mary G said...

Well done!
I particularly love the run-on, run-on sentence in para 3(? Can't bear to read it twice).
You have exceeded all expectations with this one. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.
I haven't got one up this week. I don't even have the toilet paper excuse. Will counting all the spoons in my daughter's kitchen qualify?

carrie said...

Because you can see Russia from a tiny island in Alaska . . . well, heck! Yes the woman should be VP.


Ambassador said...

PM - now an off-the-record McCain campaign aide has spun it again, saying that it was metaphorical...

“It is very much being able to look off the tip of Alaska,” the aide said. “Metaphorically, I’m talking about.”

Yeesh. Off-Topic, I saw a fantastic Shark bottle opener at Target this weekend and thought immediately of you. Do you already own it?!?!?


painted maypole said...

hmmm... I don't own it. is a trip to Target in my near future?

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Hilarious! I think my tiny dog is more qualified as well. I love the fact that you used real quotes for this.

Mine's not as funny, but I did try to use as many bad examples from Bea's post as possible :)

thirtysomething said...

Maypole - this is one of your better ones, absolutely on the mark. My 3 year old could run the country better than Palin!

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Always good to hear from ya..

alejna said...

That was brilliant. I love it that you used her own words. Too funny. Or maybe too sad. Excuse me while I laugh and sob simultaneously.

(Oh, and I loved Mad's excuse. It even involved pants! Have you ever has an excuse letter for a MM topic, by the way?)

JCK said...

Best post, EVAH!

Jennifer said...

Hey, I can see the moon from my backyard. I would like to be Moon Queen, please.


I wrote a bit of a snarky post just now, too. It's difficult not to, these days. *sigh*

womaninawindow said...

Can I just say how releived I am!!!


jen said...

i can see a park from my backyard. does that make me a ranger?

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I can see a river from my house, so I must be Michael Phelps. Gak.