Friday, February 8, 2008

An end to the war

In October, I wrote about my husband's brother's 10 year war with cancer (beginning with male breast cancer), in this post: http://paintedmaypole.blogspot.com/2007/10/my-pink-ribbon.html (I can't do a pretty link because my friend's computer apparently refuses to make the greater than symbol needed to make the html link).

On Thursday, February 7th by brother in law lost the final battle.

We had been talking for several days with my husband's sister, a nurse, who told us that the end was very near. My husband was able to talk to his brother on the phone. This is not a big surprise to us, as frankly we've been expecting it for well over 5 years, and things took a definate turn for the worse this fall.My husband went out to visit at Thanksgiving. Good-byes were said then, as, frankly, they were every time we saw my brother in law. This long war has taught us to always say "I love you" before we part.

On Thursday we were at Disneyland. My sister in law called and told us it was a matter of days. My husband decided to try to get a flight to Michigan, in hopes of making it before the end. He did not.

We girls stayed on and greatly enjoyed our Disney adventure, and I have many tales to tell another day. Tomorrow The May Queen and I have changed our flight - instead of heading home we will be flying to Michigan. We haven't a thing to wear.

Last night before I fell asleep I breathed my brother in law's name up to God, and paused, not quite knowing what to pray. Then a huge smile came to my face, and I laughed. He's with You, I thought, no need to worry.

I did pray for my parents in law, who had to watch their eldest son die, and will be burying him next week. This is not the right order, it is not how things are "supposed to go." But things do not always go as we had planned. I prayed for my husband, who hurts more for his parents than himself. For my 2 sisters in law, one who has lost a husband, the other a brother. For The May Queen, who has lost her uncle.

But my brother in law? Things are much, much better for him now. This much I know to be true. And I am ever so grateful for that.

45 comments:

flutter said...

condolences on your loss, and amen for his rest.

the dragonfly said...

The Sergeant and I are thinking of you all, and praying too. If we were closer we'd give you lots of hugs...will a cyber-hug help?

blooming desertpea said...

The two sides of the coin? Always there aren't they - peace for one is loss for the others. I hope you all can value his peace more than your grief and with that peace to you, too.

Julie Pippert said...

PM, when someone who has struggled so with life passes away...it's harder for me to figure out what to say because, like you said, there are two sides to it. I am so, so very sorry for you and your family's loss. I'm sorry parents lost their child, a wife lost her husband, siblings lost their brother, friends lost a friend and so on. I imagine he touched many lives, and he's gone now, which is a loss. There is consolation that he is better and with God, but I know that doesn't mitigate the loss for those left behind. P&PTs to you all.

amanda said...

Oh,PM- thinking of you all.....

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Amen, sister!

Tracey said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Many hugs to your whole famiy...

slouching mom said...

Though I'm happy that he's left the pain and suffering behind, I am sorry for the people he's had to leave behind.

My condolences, PM, to your entire family.

Magpie said...

You have a remarkable perspective on it.

Condolences to your whole family.

Badness Jones said...

My heart goes out to you all. Hugs.

bipolarlawyercook said...

Thinking of you all.

Angela said...

Thinking of you guys... many sincere condolences.

Mary Beth said...

I am so sorry.

Kyla said...

"and I laughed. He's with You, I thought, no need to worry."

Amen. My prayers are with the family.

MamaGeek said...

I am so sorry PM. Sending strength and prayers your way.

jen said...

i am sorry for your loss and in admiration of your grace. be well, sister.

imbeingheldhostage said...

My sincerest condolences to your family. Our prayers are with you today.

Suz said...

I'm so sorry to hear of this loss.

nomotherearth said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. And your in-laws - no parent should have to watch their child pass away.

ewe are here said...

I'm so sorry for your family's loss... even when we know it's better for those who were in so much pain, it can be so hard for those left behind.

Hugs.

crazymumma said...

Condolences. May he have peace from whatever pain he was in.

Amy Y said...

I'm sorry for your loss too...
It's so hard when it's backwards like this. I can not imagine losing my child...
I hope things go as good as can be expected while you're saying your formal good byes...

Beck said...

Oh, this is so sad - but I know that he is beyond pain and suffering now and is joyously at peace.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry for your family and the empty space left behind. I hope everyone will be able to find the peace you've already experienced. Good thoughts, heading out.

Christine said...

oh i am so, so sorry that he is gone. but he rests now and is at peace.

Sober Briquette said...

my condolences. I remember him from your previous post, and I'm sorry.

Susanne said...

My condolences too. To all of your family. And may he rest in peace.

wheelsonthebus said...

My condolences to your family on your loss.

Emily

Candygirlflies said...

I am so sorry... and am praying for you and your family. Safe travels, now.

xo CGF

Mad Hatter said...

I'm so very sorry, PM.

Kathryn said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your entire family.
God bless.
k

Chrissy said...

What a tragic losss. May God give comfort to your family as you walk through this.

Family Adventure said...

I'm terribly sorry for your loss after he fought such a long, hard battle.

My thoughts are with all of you.

Hugs - Heidi

Becky said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I will be holding you and yours in my heart tonight.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Hugs to you and your family, friend.

alejna said...

My condolences to you, too. I'll be thinking of you and your husband's family.

Like jen, I can't help but admire your grace.

Karen said...

PM - we'll echo your prayers in our home tonight. Be safe, take care.

Don Mills Diva said...

My condolences to you and your family.

niobe said...

Thinking of you and your family. And awed by your faith.

Alex Elliot said...

I'm sorry for your and your family's loss.

Emily said...

This was beautiful, MP.

Peace and blessings to your family, now.

carrie said...

Thinking of you.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

I'm late here to read this and send my condolences. It is so hard, these losses. But at the same time it is good to know that the suffering of your brother-in-law has eased even as you miss him. Thinking of you and your family.

Just Seeking said...

A beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss!

Victoria said...

I'm so very sorry to read this, this evening. My sympathies to your family. All the best to you all.