Monday, June 4, 2007

conflict

I'm not good at conflict. Although, as I write that, I wonder, is ANYONE "good" at conflict? But today I really ran smack into a very complicated, excuse ridden, consequence of that. I think perhaps I try just a bit too hard to avoid conflict (although there have been some moments in my life when I have really taken conflict by the horns and stood up for myself or others, and am quite proud of that) What I tend to do is not deal with it but fester my anger, not deal with it but fester my anger (repeat ad naseum), then... breakdown. Or, as it went today: not deal with it but fester my anger (etc...) and then get confronted with it in a moment of weakness and exhaustion, and in my attempts to both state my point and yet not hurt the other person's feelings... I ended up walking away feeling like I didn't make my point well at all and I was blamed for all the problems. And while I don't think I am to blame for all the problems (of course not! I have every right to my indignant anger!) of course I have to take blame for some of the problems. Namely, not dealing with them when they began and allowing them to fester.

As I was mulling this over today I realized that I don't have to deal with a lot of conflict in my life, with the exception of my marriage (and all marriages have that, I know). But I haven't had a friendship breakdown where we've had to work through a big confict. I have not had much experience with this in a workplace. I'm not sure how to get better at it. I mean, I've read all sorts of books on confict in marriage, and I know I haven't gotten that one down to a science yet. It's just a slow discovery process, I suppose. So hopefully the lesson from this rather uncomfortable experience is to deal with problems as they arise. Because once they've compounded it's only worse.

Unless I can find a way to make problems go away. Or certain people just disappear. Or... MAKE EVERYONE DO EVERYTHING THE WAY I WANT THEM TO. It is the BEST way, after all.

Is my control-freak nature coming out just a touch there? Sorry.

1 comment:

Sober Briquette said...

You are off to a great start here. Welcome, and thanks for your visit to me.

I hear you on this one. I get into the same cycles and volcanic eruptions.

Although I have a hard time controlling my adrenaline enough to actually practice this one, I am trying not to define "conflicts." If you have a right to indignant anger, you also have a right to your opinion or whatever it is you wish, so feel free to express it or ask for it. Negotiate for it. Neutralize the negativity associated with wanting something and standing up for yourself.

They say it works. I'll have to try it some time!