Monday, October 19, 2009

Righting myself

If I didn't do theatre...

-My scrapbook would be up to date
-I would have a much smaller stack of books to read
-My house would be spotless
-My garden would be beautiful, fruitful, and weed free
-My files would be organized
-My child and husband would never feel neglected
-I would exercise every day
-I would write witty and/or thoughtful blog posts every day
-Every meal would be homemade
-I'd be making all my Christmas gifts, rather than buying craft supplies and then allowing them to collect dust
-I would be relaxed and never get testy with those I love
-I would return phone calls and e-mails in a timely manner

Mommy guilt is a common phenomenon. Thespian Mommy guilt is just a variation on the theme. I know the above list isn't true. I would not have it all together if I didn't do theatre. Although I might have some of it MORE together. But there would be so much that I would be missing, too, and that hole... that hole would get in the way of the other things nearly as much.

I feel sometimes like I'm walking a tightrope. If I lean too much towards one side it throws the balance all out of whack. Maybe that's what my shingles... a health problem that affects only one side of the body... were trying to tell me. I was leaning a bit too far to the theatrical side. I'm working on righting myself. But I can't do that too quickly either... jerk back to one side, overcorrect, and I could fall right off.

Just keep moving forward, one step at a time.

What would you be getting done if you weren't doing something else?


Controlling My Chaos said...

I keep thinking about all the stuff I would be getting done if I wasn't working. But then, we can't have everything, can we? But I WANT everything dang it.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I was nodding my head through your entire list and then realized I am NOT a thespian mom, so what the heck happens to all of my time that I can't seem to meet those goals? I think you are very wise for understanding that you wouldn't be getting more done and by doing theater, you are bringing a "whole" person back to that daughter and husband. I think you're probably a better person for doing what you love.

Kat said...

Life is all about balance, but it is so hard to find, isn't it? I think you are probably a much happier person for your family with theater in your life. It is good for you. :)

kayerj said...

one time when complaining to my husband about how disorderly my home was he just laughed and said I wanted to live in a magazine picture. I thought about that and realized I like my life, mess and all.

hope the shingles clear up soon.

Anonymous said...

LOL. I was sick this weekend, so I sat down to journal some scrapbook pages I had already laid out, but it was hard because they were FOUR YEARS OLD. I'm the sort of person who doesn't remember what happened four hours ago.

I agree with your theory that the shingles are trying to tell you something - stress-related viruses are painful reminders to slow down.

Louise said...

The thing is, we think we have to get ALL of that done, and we can't. And some of would find more things to fill up the time left by the "hole." I know I do. The home-cooked meals alone suck up an enormous part of the day. I love to cook, so I do that. But some days--when I know I'm going to be extra busy--I plan for no home-cooked meal. I'm amazed at all the stuff I can get accomplished that day. Keeping a spotless house takes 100% of one's time. When I first moved here, no one knew me, so I wasn't involved in every possible things. (It was heavenly. I think wistfully about moving all the time just for those first few, responsibility-free months.) I honestly cleaned my house 8-12 hours a day. Every day. It was wonderful. But a bit boring. The point is that we can take any one of those things and let it suck up our entire lives. So why not do something we enjoy and let those things just go a little?

Magpie said...

Exercise is what definitely gets the boot. And I really need it...

Aunt Becky said...

My peony bush would be transplanted (I'm nervous)(hold me)(no really, hold me). I'd be a better cook. I'd bake more. My kids would be more annoyed by me. Hm. My youngest would have a baby book. Like, at all.

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

I'd be picking the last of the summer tomatoes and deciding what to do with them IF MY NEIGHBOR WOULD GIVE ME HER CANNED SALSA RECIPE I could make salsa but instead I read blogs, collect recipes THAT I ONLY USE 1% OF and I talk to my husband when we could both be working AND talking. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.