Sunday, March 2, 2008

Please leave a message after the beep....

Hello. Painted and Big Guy? This is Mrs. R, your neighbor three doors down. I couldn't help but notice that your front yard has some er... new items in it. Like 2 coolers. Some odd looking green poles. Washed out cat litter pans. A Christmas tree stand. Several push brooms. Children's toys. FIVE garbage cans. Now you know that our neighborhood association rules clearly state that your garbage cans must be out of sight from the street. I'm fairly sure this statute applies to litter boxes, coolers, brooms, toys and random green poles. And Christmas was over well over 2 months ago. Now, you've always been good neighbors, even if you don't mow quite as often as you should and your garden could stand some weeding. But I'm beginning to worry that you will soon have a car up on blocks under that beautiful oak tree of yours. Don't even think about it. If these items aren't cleaned up immediately I will have to report you to the Neighborhood Association, and I would hate to have to do that. So please.... clean up your yard.

Oh. And by the way. My little girl is selling wrapping paper for school. Would you like to buy some?

***BEEEEP***

This has been a Monday Mission (our weekend Mission was to clean out the garage and paint the floor....). Your Mission, if you choose to accept it, is to write a post in the style of a voicemail message. If you fulfill the mission, come back here and leave a link to your voicemail post.



Future Monday Missions:
3/10 The voice of someone or someTHING else in your home (here's your toaster's chance to tell all!)
3/17 An obituary
3/24 Easter week - I'll have family in town... take the week off.
3/31 A political ad

42 comments:

Angela said...

LOL!!! Love it... and I have lived near people that i wanted to leave a message just like that to...

Melissa said...

We had neighbors like that too...the HOA was pretty good at keeping them in check, but they would sometimes clean their hunting rifles off in their driveway. Sooo unsafe. But they're gone now. Yipppee!

And I did it! My fist Mission! *pats self on back*

Julie Pippert said...

LOL ending with her asking you to buy wrapping paper...LOL.

Green poles and brooms? For real?

This is a good one.

I got mine done and up and linked. :)

Beck said...

Well. Your neighbour should move to move to my street, which would cure her of her fastidiousness REALLY QUICKLY.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Until you put a toilet in the yard, the landscaping is just incomplete, don'tcha think?
I've posted my answering machine message!

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

ROFL. I think I have the same neighbor. And the same yard.

Sober Briquette said...

Hey, at least the Garage is clean! Good for you. Of course, they'll never know because there's probably a rule about leaving the door open, right?

crazymumma said...

I have always wanted to plant an art garden in a front lawn car.

Really I have.

Amy Y said...

Hee hee :)
Our HOA sends us violations in the mail. I know because we just got one for not taking down our christmas lights in time. Oops. :)

Kathryn said...

Ah yes. We have a neighbor like that too. Too funny!
I love how the lady is complaining in your message and still wants to sell you some wrapping paper. Hilarious!
Fun mission today! I love it!

Kyla said...

Hilarious!

liv said...

Oh, nothing at my place is clean! :)

Robert said...

When we first moved in, the response of the neighbors was to make nasty comments to the woman who worked in the building next to mine, or to leave anonymous notes in our mailbox, or knock over our garbage can, or my favorite: leave LIVE shotgun shells in the yard amidst the grass. We couldn't immediately afford a yard man or even a mower, so we were hated by all the neighbors, it seemed. When we did clean it all up, we grew our own garden, and the response from the paper editor (who lives in the neighborhood) was to crack jokes about it in the paper by "complimenting it" in an obviously satirical way (he said 'that corn looks great, whatever the other stuff is, I don't know').

Robert said...

We never left things all over our yard, though. We just let our grass grow a while before cutting it. That's really all we did. (sorry, forgot to add this to my comment to clarify we weren't exactly keeping piles of trash all over the yard, but still we were reviled by our neighbors)

the dragonfly said...

I love the wrapping paper comment. It seems like something that is often added onto messages like that! :)

ewe are here said...

Oh, gawd, I've known neighbors like that. All they do is complain complain complain about everyone else on the street or in the complex.

ewe are here said...

Oh, and I just did my very first Mission... woo hoo! :-)

Mary Beth said...

That's my yard! (said with pride) Last spring, I think they were going to send a search team to look for a missing dog in the high grass:) I am soooo glad I don't live anywhere near a home owner's association (since we just got the xmas lights off our flagpole last week so we could fly our spring training flag).

Mary G said...

I've got a neighbour that I would like to leave a voice mail for; he leaves stuff all over MY yard. Trouble is, what he leaves is bear poop, and I don't think he has a phone.
Loved this MM -- and your take on it is the best!

Rima said...

Gah! I forgot about Monday Missions!

This post cracked me up. Are you working on a maypole for your front lawn? (the poles)

Your yard sounds a lot like ours. Except we *really* need to clean it up now that we are putting the house up for sale.

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

ohhhh ewwww neightborhood assosications. I like to good old fashion mind your own business neighborhoods :) Love the post!!!!

Furrow said...

oh, my. that's not nice. Your neighbors, I mean. At least you do have a NA to handle it for you. My beef with my neighbors is not what they have in their yards, but what they don't. Hell-o, you've been there 5 years, how about planting a shrub or two?

LaskiGal said...

I'm lovin' this idea. Your voice mail is hilarious. I swear, it could be our neighbors leaving that message for us!

flutter said...

LOL oh dear.....

Jennifer said...

Ha! I think your lawn needs a (may)pole or two in it, though. ;)

Chaotic Joy said...

Ha! I forgot about the whole Monday Mission thing and was all up at arms at your Neighbors message until I got to the end. This was very funny Maypole.

cce said...

I guess I'll now have to admit that once a neighbor left a note on the windshield of an old pick-up truck we were using to haul away debris during remodeling that said, "Please help sustain our property values and park the truck somewhere else."
We were new to the neighborhood and soon deduced who the note writer was even though we were never explicitly told. There's always a busybody in the hood.

carrie said...

You don't have a refrigerator on your porch, right?

Well then, all is well!

This was too funny!

Loralee Choate said...

I think that we have the same neighbors.

The Rambling Housewife said...

Alright! I'll clean it up, I promise! :)

Angela said...

Awarded you...come get 'em

another good thing said...

I've got a hefty bag of sweaters for the Kidney Foundation and a stack of towels for the humane association- not quite garage, but definitely feels good to clear stuff out.

Jen M. said...

Seriously?? THis is both hilarious and yet sigh-inducing...and just to make you feel a bit better we only JUST (this weekend) took the twinkle lights out of the apple trees in the front.

We also still had our wreath up by the front door.

nomotherearth said...

Our neighbour would leave notes about parking a centimeter over the edge of her driveway. Parking's huge in my hood.

Catherine said...

LOL! that was fantastic. Hmmm, next weeks sounds interesting...

JCK said...

This was SO funny. The neighbors who increase your home value!

Christine said...

loved this!

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